Our Edges Are Our Teachers
Opening Up To Life’s Possibilities Is A Delicious Way to Live.
Often in the life, the best laid plans don’t unfold the way we would like. Instead, the universe / the divine / God lays out a completely different set of plans. Often throwing us into the arms of the dualities of life…and opening us up to new possibilities we could never have thought of.
The Dualities of Life
The dualities of life can be found everywhere— no one can really escape them. They show up in different ways and in different strengths throughout the various seasons of the year, as well as in life.
Pain and Pleasure
Wealth and Poverty
Sadness and Happiness
Hot and Cold
Love and Hate
Life and Death
The interesting thing is that all dualities of life actually reside on the same spectrum. By taking in all experiences on these various spectrums… we’re given new perspectives, new experiences and new insights to learn from. For example,
Without pain, we wouldn’t fully understand and appreciate pleasure. And without pleasure, we wouldn’t fully understand the intensity of pain.
Without death, we wouldn’t full understand the preciousness of life. And without life, we wouldn’t fully understand the impact of death.
Without hate, we wouldn’t understand the depth and power of love. And without love, we wouldn’t understand how vicious, devastating and heartbreaking hate can be.
Our Edges Are our Teachers
By experiencing each dualities extremes and intensity—we ultimately meet our own edges. How we show up when things do and don’t unfold the way we would have liked— place us on this spectrum through our reactions + actions— which show us where our edges are. And I believe, these edges are our teachers.
Overtime we learn how powerful and potent our reactions + actions are and how grounding and valuable it can be to learn how to keep our balance and walk the middle line between these two opposing forces. When we’re able to walk that middle line and not cloud our minds with extreme reactions, we open ourselves up to possibilities.
How to Create a Delicious Way of Living
In order to learn the lessons of these dualities and our own edges—which at times can be so intense that they can turn our worlds completely upside down— a yogini tries to learn how to balance these forces. From my experience, these dualities of life can often be an opportunity to create a more refined way of living. A way of living that can be even more delicious than we could have imagined—especially when we invite openness, surrender + trust and detachment along for the ride. Like with anything on the yogic and spiritual path, practice is key :). It’s not easy, but not impossible either. Rather, from my experience, I’ve learned it requires an immense amount of awareness and an attitude of:
Openness— to see when we begin to move towards one extreme or another.
Surrender + Trust— to understanding that even if we think we have a great plan, how things ultimately unfold are there to help us grow and bring new possibilities our way. Just like the law of gravity, what goes up must go down. Which means, sometimes even if we reach a high point—with pleasures, happiness, riches, etc, there’s a likely chance we’ll have to experience the opposite. So to be able to surrender + trust change, the ups and the downs…and all the things in between. Those lessons, when fully absorbed, not only help us grow, but help us stay open to new or other possibilities.
Detachment — from the final outcome. Detachment from the outcome is hard because without even realizing it we often create unspoken expectations. Anytime we swing back and forth on duality spectrum, the emotions we can potentially experience can be intense— which can then impact our reactions + actions. So, when we’re able to really practice the above two things—openness, surrender + trust— we begin to naturally cultivate an attitude of gratitude and are more receptive to new possibilities that come our way. This allows detachment to slowly comes on it’s own because it becomes more of a natural reaction.
As our awareness of these dualities and our edges becomes more refined, we slowly learn from them and how to find our way to the middle path between these dualities. Finding and walking the middle path isn’t something that is found or perfected overnight. Usually it’s not even permanent, rather it’s a constant practice. The more we consciously begin to witness these dualities, the more we can manage our reactions to consciously guide our actions towards the middle. The aim being so that we can slowly strengthen our equanimity— openness, surrender and detachment— and have a greater chance of keeping our lives— internal and external— in a state of peace. It’s an on-going balancing act :). But, once we get the hang of it, it can broaden our horizons; creating a beautiful way of living.
My Experience
The past few years of life have really stretched me. I’ve had the opportunity to experience many of life’s dualities and their extremes. I won’t lie— at times it’s been exhausting, overwhelming and uncomfortable—definitely pushing me out of my comfort zone. But as I continue my daily practice of trying my best to walk the middle path — through an awareness of my edges that show up and with an attitude of openness, surrender and detachment— I’m learning so much about myself and growing in whole new ways.
With even more conscious awareness around my reactions + actions to these extreme dualities, what I’ve noticed shift in my life is that my self-compassion has gotten stronger. I’ve always had a lot of compassion for others, but didn’t realize that I wasn’t always able provide that same depth of kindness and understanding to myself. The outcome of my self-compassion has lead me to:
Not hold myself to my as many of my own unrealistic expectations :). (One of by biggest lessons!)
Prioritize my time differently.
Understand and appreciate that taking care of myself is going to be different in different seasons of life. Sometimes I will need more, sometime I will need less. Regardless of what I need, it is not a selfish act. (Another big lesson!)
Let go of what others may or may not think of my actions— the more I practice this one, the more I get comfortable with it.
Awareness + conscious action can bring change like a slow (sometimes fast) domino effect. At times I’ve found that it can feel uncomfortable creating healthy boundaries for myself but when I am able to find and make my way to the middle path, I feel so much better. Life is a series of constant experiences, so when we can create a way of living that supports us keeping our balance…it’s a delicious way of living.
These kind of deep shifts take time. Some days are easier than other :). But, if the spiritual path has taught me anything—it’s that at the end of the day, the only person I can truly change— is myself. Not the ppl around me, not the circumstances that unfold — just my reactions + actions. BUT, when I do— I also inspire others to do the same.
Change is powerful. But it’s also a constant journey and ongoing practice. One day at a time. One step at a time.
Have you experienced your edges and learned from their lessons? What have you learned?
I’d love to hear in the comments below.
with love,
Kajal
Be the change you wish to see in the world. - Mahatma Ghandhi
